Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Spotting a cheating Wife!

Last evening I attended the 'Make a Wish' Gala with my Wife at the Westin.  Third year in a row for me sitting at the Macy's table.  It was all for a great cause and the children that get their wishes fulfilled tug at my heart strings and there are dewey eyes moments.  This has been the case every year.  However during the first two years aside from the heart felt moments I was bored out of my mind sitting in my Monkey suit with other suits bored listening to the war stories at work or making small talk to my wife's coworkers and managers.  But I know it is my yoke to bare for my Wife.

But this year it was different.  After seeing the same people for the past three years I started getting aquainted with them and comfortable.  Big laughs and funny quips from the men.  Intimate inside chat between the women.  Drink a little bit more.  One husband got so carried away that he donated $2500 to the charity while his wife was doing her insider chatting.  She was stunned.  The husband was staring off into space not realizing that he held up his card for the $2500 donation.  I think he was just trying to flag down a waiter for another bottle of wine.  We ended up dancing in the next room with my wife's manager and husband.  There was a DJ and women dressed to the 9's.  A great time was had for all. 

But this big event this year was seeing my next door neighbor's wife, Lady X (I withhold her name for obvious reasons), with a man that was not her husband!  My wife and I were entering into one of the side rooms at the silent auction that they have every year when we came face to face with X and her new boyfriend.  Honestly I didn't even recognize her (in true Dennis fashion) but my wife did.  I looked up at the tall guy to get a close look at the culprit that was escorting her.  It was a funny moment for all around.  The look on the beau's face, the stunned initial silence, the shocked look on X's face; was a made for TV moment.  After the intial silence X decided to come clean.  She told me that she was divorcing her husband of many years, moving in with her new beau, putting the house on the market ("Oh, and you'll see a for sale sign in a couple of days..."), so on and so on.  I started thinking about the yard sale that might be coming up.  Hmmm... he has a nice trimmer and edger that might be on the sales block!  After she came clean we reacted like it was no big deal, ("Oh how very nice to meet you!"  To the boyfriend.  "Oh we're going to miss you so much!  Remember July the 4th?  What a great time we had!"), wished them well and moved into the auction room.

This brings me to the today's point of the blog.  My neighbor Mr. X (husband of Mrs. X) came to be more than an aquaintance with me.  We talked about sports and the yard.  Always chatted each other up in passing.  I liked him!  Should I mention anything about seeing Mrs. X to him?  Divorces can be messy afairs of course.  Lots of things in the balance; cars, furniture, house, all forms of possesions.  My values and sense of fairness come into play.  Woman cheating, moving out, forcing a divorce, etc.  What I tell my neighbor X may help him with his break!  Should I get involved when I know she will be taking him to the cleaners?

How well do you need to know a neighbor to get involved?  Should anyone get involved at all.  Should I tell a friend of the neighbor?  You tell me. 

Friday, March 12, 2010

To be Formal, or not to be Formal

Friday afternoon the first blush of my vacation.  Nine days counting the weekends.  I of course have a laundry list of things that I plan on attending to this next week.  Route an ethernet cable into the conjugal bedroom.  Relocated the family desktop and computer center there so that there is room for the new formal dining room. 

Now that brings me to my main gripe.  This formal thing that my wife insists that happens to this house.  When I finish washing my hands (yes I do that from time to time) and I reach around to get a towel I do not care if its the emblem encrusted King of all towels I'm a gonna wipe my paws on it.   Or a glass display cabinet in which we show all the nik naks of our past that will collect dust and be forgotten.  Faces of porcelin dolls staring out from the lonely box.  Now its the formal dining room.  A place where we do not sit unless Royalty happens to visit.  Well we can probably use it for storage.  It's close to the front door so the girls books can land there when they get home from school or where we can throw the mail.  Soon it will be like all the other places in the house that we don't use.  Strewn with our day to day litter.  Well maybe I can change it into a card table later on.  Or a work bench. 

Initially I thought that I was going to start a blog in which people can come to me with their problems, questions, rants, etc.  Now who's going to comment on something like impotency or a deep seeded insecurity to someone out of the blue.  Not going to happen.  So I guess I'll throw a question out there for my faithful one subscriber to answer. 

Why do women want formal things in the house? 

By formal I mean things that aren't going to used day after day.  Furthermore, if I was visiting a friend and they started dragging formal stuff out to dine with me I would balk!  I would feel like I wasn't a friend of theirs.  Take it from me if a friend starts dragging out formal dining ware on you they either are trying to set you up with their spinster sister or have found out (before you) that you only have three years to live. 

So.  Given that the question stands.  Why do women want formal things in the house?

Galaxy Machine Rehearsals

Spent the evening at Temple House Studios rehearsing for the 20th Show at the Tiger Lounge. Before going I dropped by Little Mark Productions and picked up an 8 song demo of Uncle Porkchop. Great! Now we have new material for the Website. I'll upload them tomorrow.

Reporting from the fat mattress and pillow that I rest my weary head. My wife is reading a new cookbook and I'll be drifting off soon. Yawn.
Dennis R. Martinez, FCSI
Messenger Corporation: M3 Division

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Tweet from: @seattletimes

I'm sorry but after the rash of cop killings we have had here in Puget Sound I am having a hard time having any sympathy for this guy. I know he is 'acquised only' but the over whelming evidence is stacked up against him.


From: @seattletimes
Sent: Mar 11, 2010 4:52p

Man charged with killing a Seattle police officer lashed out at a former King Co. sheriff's deputy today in court:

sent via web

On Twitter:
Dennis R. Martinez, FCSI
Messenger Corporation: M3 Division

Maddening Voices

Uncle Porkchop would especially like to here from anyone who hears unwanted voices. In their head to be specific.
Dennis R. Martinez, FCSI
Messenger Corporation: M3 Division
Thank you Linda for your fine message.

Ask a Porkchop - Personal Advice Blog

Hi my internet friends. Given that many of my friends seem to ask me for personal advice I've decided to update my blog to reflect this new role for me. I will accept any and all questions and promise a response. Nothing is outside of the realm of Uncle Porkchop - me.

You may ask, "What qualifies Mr. Porkchop to give advice of any kind?" Well they say that you learn from your mistakes and I've made more than any one I know. I must be the smartest guy on the planet.

So fire away. Personal attacks welcomed! Stories about obsessions with fruit or vegetable welcomed!

Uncle Porkchop